Ever notice how honest small children can be? Telling anyone within ear shot that “my daddy is bald,” or writing “my mom’s favorite drink is wine” on a Mother’s Day card. We mostly find it endearing and laughable, (mostly) because they say what’s already on everyone else’s mind. But the older we get, the less acceptable it becomes to speak our truth. We’re quieted by our elders for the sake of hurting someone else’s feelings or embarrassing our parents. And although the adults typically have good intentions, it begins to create a story in the young child’s mind that they are not safe to speak their view on the world around them. This can lead to repressed emotions, feelings of resentment, and people pleasing behaviors. We can also begin to question who we are if we don’t feel we can speak our truth. What feels good and true on the inside is shut down by outside influences creating a sense of confusion, leading us to do things that we might not necessarily do in order to appease societal norms.
I’ll admit, I was never one to quiet myself when I had a strong opinion about something. I thought that by being brutally honest I was helping the recipient of my harsh words. Everything was black and white and no one would question my intentions because I laid it all out. Looking back now, I can see that this was also a condition of being shut down at an early age. I just took it to the extreme opposite. I was in my late teens when my grandmother, who shared the same blunt offering of her opinions, said something really hurtful to me. It was then that I began to realize that being truthful didn’t have to inflict pain on others. By speaking our truth with love we are much more likely to facilitate healing rather than division.
When we learn to speak our truth with love we begin creating a much more hospitable environment for both ourselves and everyone around us. This is an exercise I often lead others through in order to help free them from the fear of speaking their truth and rediscover who they are at the core: Sit in a quiet space and vision a sphere of light around you. This is a safe space where there is no fear, no judgment, and no repercussions for speaking your truth. Bring to mind a time when you felt shut down and begin to speak your true feelings about the situation. As you speak you will start to notice a sense of relief from letting go of what you’ve been holding on to. It may bring up other memories that also need to be released, or you may feel a sense of satisfaction from that one instance. Either way, you are free to continue to exercise until you feel a sense of completion.
